Cheese No. 6 – Roquefort

Hello. It’s been a long time, I know. I bet you thought I’d given up on the old cheese blog, didn’t you? Well, in truth, I had. WordPress was giving me gip, I was struggling to find a new cheese each week and it just got on top of me. I quit. But now, I’m back! And I have less rules this time. My rule of a new cheese a week was, frankly, too much to cope with. Now, I’ll just post whenever I happen to get some new stuff. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

Oh yeah, I uploaded a picture of some Parenyica Sajt to the last post too, so you can go have a look at that.

It’s been about 10 months since I last post. I’m not going to go through all the details of those months because it would be boring. For me and for you. Suffice to say that some good things happened, some bad things happened and some things in between happened. Currently, I feel a bit under the weather. I have a kind of grumbly cold thing, I feel very tired and a bit bleeeuugh. I’m hoping this is a genuine illness but suspect that it’s actually a hangover from Saturday night. It seems that I am now at the age where if I drink a bit too much one night, I’ll still be suffering 48 hours later. No fair. Anyway, cheese.

Today’s cheese is Roquefort. It’s Asda’s Extra Special Roquefort. One of the good things that happened in the last 10 months was the opening of an Asda exactly 10 minutes walk from my house. Whilst the walk is an extra minute on the Tesco in Canton, it’s worth it. It’s a bigger store, they sell amazing bread and they sell Frazzles, which Tesco in Canton doesn’t. And frankly, they should not have the cheek to call themselves a ’super’ market because of that omission. Frazzles are the greatest crisp that humans have produced and to not stock them is a crime. So, Asda’s brilliant, I like it. That’s where my cheese came from. When buying the cheese I was a little concerned. You see, the packet had a clear plastic seal through which I could see the cheese and, worryingly, a pool of green, mouldy water. I checked the others and they all had it so presumed that it was supposed to be like that. Still, a little unappetising for my eyes.

In a fit of excitement, I had a quick square of the cheese earlier and found it to be rather lovely. However, afterwards I had a slice of bread and marmite. I wouldn’t recommend following Roquefort with Marmite. It was like my mouth had lost all bearings on what it was and where it was supposed to be. My mouth did not know whether it was coming or going. So now I’m trying the cheese with simple biscuit accompaniment. My, it’s lovely. As soon as the cheese hits your tongue, it bursts with flavour. It’s a strong cheese for sure. Very creamy and full of big green blobs of mould. It tastes a bit winey I think. Is winey a word? Probably not. It’s not a million miles away from St Agur but it’s kinda like that cheese but with the volume turned up. You wouldn’t want to eat too much of it but I’d recommend it highly. Mmmm hmmmm.

Roquefort

Cheese #5 – Parenyica Sajt

Parenyica Sajt

Yep, you read it right, Parenyica Sajt. Actually, before I start talking cheese, I’ve got an apology to make. If you read the first post from me, you’ll have noticed my propensity for starting things at the beginning of the year and then getting bored or forgetting about them fairly quickly. My lack of posting recently may lead you to believe that the same thing has happened with my cheese blog. Not true. I’ve just been busy. And a bit crap. So, sorry. I did actually buy some cheese a few weeks ago (some Vacherin Mont D’or) but it had gone off by the time I went to eat it. What have I been busy with? You may ask. Well, yesterday I went to see some modern dance. Yes, I go and see modern dance. Believe. It was good and featured an actual penis and some breasts. Their dancing was pretty cool I thought. During the day I went to the football, which balances things out on the macho scale there I think. On Friday, I went to some art openings (crikey, I sound cultured, don’t I?). Actually, I’ve never been to one before so didn’t really know what to do. I thought the art to be quite bunk though. But there was free booze, which is always nice. On Thursday I went to see bands – Alexander Tucker and Fuck Buttons, who were both really good. Tucker in particular was quite mesmerising. On Wednesday I worked in the evening (I was told that I looked like a cross between Dave Grohl and James Blunt). On Tuesday I went to the cinema to see Blade Runner, a film I love and have seen many times before. Still, it was great seeing it on the big screen, it’s a really beautiful film. And on Monday I did nothing. I should have done the cheese blog.

Anyway, Parenyica Sajt. This cheese comes, literally, from Hungary. My friends Leah and Iain went on holiday to Budapest and rather thoughtfully bought me back this cheese to aid my cheese expert quest. I also think they did it because the cheese looks foul. Look at the picture! It looks like a melton mowbray pie. In fact, they weren’t even 100% sure it was actually cheese as it does look a bit meaty. Anyway, it is cheese for sure. I can find out nothing about the cheese I’m afraid. I’ve taken it out of the shrinkwrap and it’s a little greasy and smells quite nice, very smoky smell. Still though, I am a bit dubious about eating it. Here goes…

OK, I haven’t eaten it yet. I just cut a bit of and it cuts like meat. It really does seem meaty and the smell is a bit too strong now and actually not that nice. What have I let myself in for? Oh, that is weird. It felt like too much was happening when it was in my mouth. First, it tasted OK-ish, like a smoked cheese but then the flavour seemed to disappear almost instantly, it got quitebland. It’s pretty chewy and after a bit it kind of

collected into

a strange cheese ball. (Can I just say? WordPress is shit. Thanks)

Good god, I don’t like this cheese. It’s not like cheese! It’s greasy, smelly and meaty. FUCKOFFWORDPRESS.

I can’t be arsed with this any more. The cheese was rank. I’m seeing Leah and

Iain tomorrow morning (we’re getting a 5am train to London to go

on the telly!) so I’m going to take the cheese and make them eat it.

Cheese #4 – Perl Wen

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about expectations. The amount of expectation you have about something seems to have too much influence over how much you’ll enjoy it. Everyone’s had an unexpected night out, one with no expectation, that turned out to be amazing. And we’ve all had nights that you really hope will be great that actually turn out to be a bit of a disappointment. Well, the same seems to apply to everything – books, films, albums, people etc. But maybe those 2 nights out were actually as good as one another but it’s just that your expectations were different. I don’t think it’s right. We should be able to judge everything purely in it’s own terms. Not on what we’ve read or heard or seen before the event. This weekend I went to an owl sanctuary. It was Leah’s birthday wish that we did this so I thought I’d better, y’know? So, I got up at 8:30am on Sunday, drove for an hour through wind and rain to Ebbw Vale, all to see some owls. To say my expectations were low might have been an understatement. However, I loved it. Owls are amazing. There’s loads of different types. Big ones, small ones, scary ones, cute ones, laugh-out-loud funny looking ones. I really enjoyed it. Maybe if my expectations were higher though, I wouldn’t have been so bothered. Lisa’s friend, Carwyn, has a thing (he’s given it a name, I can’t remember what) where he tries to expect absolutely nothing good every time he does something. Therefore, he’s always pleased with what he gets. Maybe this is a good idea? It makes some sort of sense. Maybe I should lower people’s expectations of me too. Then people will only ever be impressed by me. Actually, I’ll probably just live up (or rather, down) to my expectations and no one will ever be excited, let alone impressed.

Anyway, this week’s cheese is one I picked out from a shop, one that I’m sure I’ll be visiting quite a lot in the coming months, called Madam Fromage. It’s called Perl Wen and was served to me by a very courteous and accurate young man. I think he counted out my change coin by coin. The cheese looks exactly like brie and according to my research is a young cheese (only discovered in 2000 it was so it’s as old as a young boy. Or girl). Apparently, it’s cross between brie and Caerphilly. I’m not that familiar with Caerphilly but the thought of it doesn’t inspire. So, expectation-wise, I think I’m expecting a slightly crapper version of brie. Let’s see…

Well, it does taste a lot like brie. Maybe it’s a bit milder than brie. The rind is exactly the same and gives a slightly bitter taste in the mouth but the centre is lovely. Really creamy and soft. Yep, that’s a good cheese. From Wales too!

Cheese #3 – Shropshire Blue

Now, my original intention was to only try cheeses that were new to me. Unfortunately, this week I’ve had to deviate from this path. My local Tesco only had 1 cheese I’d not tried and I did that last week. The only other specialist cheese shops are in town, which means I’ll have to go to town every week to experience a new cheese and delight you, the reader, with my discoveries. Alas, I was not able to make it to town this week. Fortunately, Mike brought to the house some Shropshire Blue, of which he kindly offered me some. I have had the cheese before but not for a while, so it still counts, alright?

I also started this blog by saying that I only had 1 New Year’s Resolution. I lied, there were more. 1 was to wake up when my alarm went off. It’s now the 18th of January and I’ve not managed it once, despite leaving a huge note under my phone (which is also my alarm) saying “WAKE UP”. Another was to read more, which I’ve, well, I’ve not read MORE really but I have read some, so that’s OK. Although, I did spend 5 hours on a train this weekend and spent most of the time staring out of the window. I really like staring out of the windows of trains, even when travelling through Swindon. I’d also like to watch more films and this, I’ve managed. Last week I saw Drawing Restraint 9 with Bjork. Quite simply, it’s the worst film I’ve ever seen! Now I don’t mind a bit of arty, experimental stuff (I’ve even been to see modern dance once) but this was like a nasty endurance test. It went on for ages, nothing of any sense happened, some people messed about with a big jelly, Bjork and her boyfriend cut each other’s legs off, oh bejesus, it was dreadful. I’m very annoyed that I didn’t walk out. Instead, my politeness (or maybe my fear at being looked down upon by people who thought I didn’t ‘get’ it) and my conviction that it might start to make sense if I just carried on left me to stay there, get a sore ass and get in a mood because it ruined a perfectly good night. However, I also joined lovefilm.com and got The Devil And Daniel Johnston, which was bloody amazing! Like, I had welled-up eyes the whole way through. His voice just gets me there (I’m pointing at my heart). Great stuff, so good it made me forget about Bjork’s guff.

Shropshire Blue was only first made in 1970. I kind of thought most cheeses were really old but it seems not. Whilst most people were out boogieing to Donna Summer and Abba, some guys in Scotland were inventing a cheese that looks like a cross between Red Leicester and Stilton. Yes, Shropshire Blue is neither from Shropshire or blue. In fact, the ‘Shropshire’ bit was added to make it sound more attractive. Why? I’ve no idea. Perhaps we just don’t trust the Scots as cheesemakers. But those Shropshire-folk, they look like they could knock out a good cheese, don’t they? I guess the ‘blue’ bit comes from the fact that the cheese has lots of blue veins.

I’m tasting a chunk now…

Hmm, it’s quite soft, a little powdery perhaps. It tastes a lot like Stilton to me. Maybe not as strong as Stilton but it’s good, got a bit of tang and it leaves a nice taste in the gob. Not amazing, I wouldn’t kill any small animals to get to this cheese but I would insult a post office clerk in exchange for £1’s worth. By the way, I’m eating this just before bed so I’ll tell you next time should it produce any dreams of note.

Cheese #2 – Saint Agur

I’m very tired today. I’m not sure if this will affect my cheese-tasting ability or not. Let’s hope not. The reason for my fatigue was a late-night poker session last night (I won!) and an early-morning start to go to a boot sale where I bought about a million records, well 17 (I’m currently listening to Look At Us by Sonny And Cher. It’s alright.). The Havarti I had last week caused quite a stir. John tried some and was so repelled by the taste that upon impact with his tongue he spat it straight out. We had to put it in the bin, it smelt so bad. John then described the taste as “reminding” him of “having a cock on (his) mouth”, which is a bit weird. Mike witnessed the whole display and refused to even touch the cheese. A wise, yet cowardly, move. My cheese exploits have also inspired some friends to try and become experts in other things also. Mooted ideas include wine, ale and chess. Good intentions but I’m not sure they don’t have the gumption to go through with it. Like I do.

Anyway, Saint Agur. This is a much newer cheese than Havarti. It first, er, appeared in 1988, the year of me being 11 and big trainer-boots, probably. I bought it from Tesco so it, presumably, is quite a widely available, popular cheese. It comes from Central France and can be considered a double cream cheese, apparently. This is because it has a lot of cream and butterfat in it. I don’t like the sound of a lot of things that cheese has in (Sonny And Cher are done now, time for The World Of Donovan, the massive hippy). Havarti had some odd-sounding enzymes in that sounded a bit science-lab for me. Butterfat also sounds a bit disgusting. The cheese is white with deep, dark blue veins.

Crikey, I’m not sure about Donovan. He’s currently singing

“engine goes brr brr, when you’re riding in my car”

Texture-wise, it’s nice and creamy and can be spread easily on a cracker. Just put some in my gob now and…mmm, tasty. It’s pretty tangy, a bit salty, quite strong but not too strong. It reminds of Gorgonzola or Danish Blue and it’s good. I guess it’s the sort of cheese you wouldn’t want to eat too much of, ’cause it’s quite rich but it is rather splendid.

So, 2 cheeses down. 1 disgusting, 1 great. Proof, if needed, that for every good cheese there is a bad cheese. That is a saying, right?

Cheese #1 – Havarti

My New Year’s Resolutions are always rubbish and I never do them. One resolution that’s popped up time and again, only to be ignored year after year, is to write some kind of diary. I now have many diaries of what I’ve done between Jan 1st and around January 18th, at which point I usually get bored/forget about it, filing it away when I rediscover it around May-time. Maybe one day, when I’m dead, they’ll write a biography about my life, which will only have information from the first 3 weeks of each year of my life. Of course, that doesn’t count the years before I could think and write and stuff. Anyway, where was I? Yes, resolutions and diaries. This year my ONLY new year’s resolution is to become an EXPERT in CHEESE. I’m gonna try a new cheese each week and then by the end of the year, people with cheese-based queries will be able to approach me comfortable in the knowledge that I will be able to answer them with suitable aplomb. I’m going to write about my cheese-expert-quest here, so it may just serve as some kind of diary too. For example, I might say something like I bought cheese A1 today on my way to town where I went shopping. On the way there I saw girl B2 and boy C3, we chatted, it was nice. Etc. You see? Anyway, that’s the intro over with, you should all be up to speed, now here goes…

Cheese #1 - Havarti

I bought this from Howells in town where I went shopping.
It was the first cheese that I saw that I didn’t recognise. It is a white/pale  yellow cheese with a green rind. I took £2 worth from the lady there. Immediately, upon wandering around town with the cheese in my pocket, I noticed a sizable smell. Quite sweaty it was. On my way home I bumped into Mark Attack and his ladyfriend, Josie. I didn’t want them thinking that my body was responsible for the sweat smell so I immediately told them about the cheese in my pocket. They were suitably shocked at the pong. Got home and researched the cheese, obviously. It turns out that Havarti is a Danish cheese that was named after the ‘experimental farm’ where it was ’discovered’ in the 1800s. Personally, I don’t like the sound of an ’experimental farm’ and I don’t think cheese should be ’discovered’ either. Cheese is just made isn’t it? Discovering it sounds like they might have just found something growing on the back of a machine they were using to see if they could make Cows
speak Danish or something. Anyway, I tasted it and here is my summary:
OH MY GOD THAT IS DISGUSTING! It was a good few minutes ago that this happened so I’m gonna try another
bit now. AAAAAAAAARGH! Rarely has something disagreed
with my mouth so much. It tastes bitter, really bitter, it
tastes like it smells too. All sweaty. It reminds me a bit of
Parmesan, but really, really strong Parmesan. I genuinely
wanted to spit it out, it was that bad.So, there we are. My
first step on the way to becoming a cheese expert and my
mouth currently feels like it needs some mints or a good
sorbet or something. I didn’t expect this to be an easy ride
and it seems I was right.